Jocko Underground: When Your Disciplined Life Has Left You Lonely w/ No Social Connections

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[SPEAKER_00]: This is the jockel underground podcast number two 15 sitting here with Echo Charles.

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[SPEAKER_00]: They get that right.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And we have some questions from the field from the front lines From where the rubber meets the road and we will offer some recommendations some answers and that a minimum

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[SPEAKER_00]: some courses of action, you can take to proceed and find your way through the maze of life as some people, as echo Charles refers to it, the maze of life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yep, I'll poetic.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, all right.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Sure.

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[SPEAKER_00]: That's the best you could come on.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, well, it is one of one of the options for you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: whatever but the light life is sometimes amazed you don't know I'm just saying okay okay did you come up with that yourself did you consult with your your ancestors or something that chat GPT or somewhere that go from forget it in the dream first question

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[SPEAKER_01]: Choco, I recently graduated college where I was a division one athlete, a science major, and also in ROTC.

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[SPEAKER_01]: My days were completely structured around academics, training, the gym, and preparation for the military, because of that I missed out on a lot of the social side of college.

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[SPEAKER_01]: team hangouts, weekends, weekends out, etc.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I don't regret the accomplishments but now that I've graduated commission and started working full-time, I feel like I have no close friends.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I went from being around 30 teammates every day to suddenly feeling isolated.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And while I try to keep in touch, it feels like they all got closer without me and no one seems to reach out.

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[SPEAKER_01]: How do I navigate life after college when I'm disciplined and accomplished but also feel lonely and disconnected?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Love a podcast thank you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, so I think a couple key points here.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, one key point is that you quote unquote recently graduated Which means you just showed up to your unit your military unit Which means you don't know anyone who knows you and guess what when you show up somewhere and you're new and you don't know anyone You're gonna feel a little bit of a lot isolated.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You'll be left out.

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[SPEAKER_00]: That's a way anybody

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[SPEAKER_00]: feels when they show up.

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[SPEAKER_00]: When my daughter Coach Arana started training in San Luis Obispo at Paragon and she called me like after the first few days.

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[SPEAKER_00]: She's like, I don't know when you need no one wants to train with me.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I go, oh, yeah, just train for four more days and like someone will start training and then you'll be fine.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then she's like, I don't know.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, yep, then that she called me four days and she's like, yeah, I met this really cool.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But she was feeling the exact same way.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I salated and lonely.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Because you know, it's weird dude, you go on a mat, no one wants to roll with you because they don't know who you are or whatever.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so that's the way you feel.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Takes a little while, takes a little while.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And but there's no doubt you're the military no doubt in my military mind that you're going to form Friendships with the flat your unit man fellow officers your troops your senior listed like you're gonna this is what that's the way it is you're doing work with them you're doing Training with them you're going out in the field with them That's you're gonna Relationships will form and you will end up with some bros

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[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, you, you played D1 athletics, I don't know which one.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe 30 teammates football?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Does that sound right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: No.

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[SPEAKER_00]: How many teammates would you have in football?

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[SPEAKER_00]: 100.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Damn.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So maybe he's soccer, hockey, could be anything.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But you don't have that anymore.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Guess what?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Go, you can probably guess my next bit of advice.

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[SPEAKER_00]: go to a gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

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[SPEAKER_00]: So join it, it's your gym, what join us trying to condition gym or join a rock climbing gym like there's Just go and go out into the world.

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[SPEAKER_00]: There's a whole, a whole social world of people to hang out with, especially that now that you have the time you're not studying You're not training for your specific sport, you're not conducting ROTC drills, you have a job, cool.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I get it, the military's busy, you're young officer, you're gonna get tasked up, but still I guarantee you want a Saturday night.

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[SPEAKER_00]: or Saturday morning you can go train some jiu-jitsu and then after after let's call it four weekends of training you will know three people's names and one of them is going to be like dude I start your car outside is that of whatever and you're like yeah you say dude I actually know how to overdo the ball you're like and all of a sudden you'll be talking about stuff you know so

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[SPEAKER_00]: Just put yourself out there in some places where there's people and so you can interact with people and you'll form bonds and you'll look back in a couple of years Probably actually in like six months, you'll look back and be that kind of surprise that you've been asked this question Because it sounds like you kind of had ready-made friends wherever you went because you had the sports You know, that's just like ready-made friends, but military kind of has that too and you just knew

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[SPEAKER_00]: But you'll be surprised that you asked this question Meeting people and building those bonds is a great part of life.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So enjoy it

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[SPEAKER_01]: So we got yeah, it's almost like a starting up starting over scenario after Yeah, that's true the you know ran a scenario whatever with the with the oh no one wants to roll with me Kind of lonely or whatever that's like that's to me That's almost like a hundred percent of the time almost when you go to a whole new place You know unless you go with your friends or something like this where it's a yeah It's okay.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You start now over which is fine

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[SPEAKER_01]: And as long as you're open to it, cause what he said was actually kind of real where he was like, well, I'll still focus on the freaking discipline and preparing for this and preparing for the cause I seen guys like that in college where you could tell they're just locked into college which sweet, you know, and then but they would never be hanging out.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So the social element, I understand how some people can straight up just miss it and be like dang, I kind of miss that whole thing, you know.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So that's real, but yeah, it's just a matter of being open open to it and not being like, oh dang, I suck this sucks, you know.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And another like thing that is probably a real challenge for many, many people is executing this right here.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, how's it going?

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[SPEAKER_00]: My name's Fred.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like that's that seems like especially nowadays Because when you're standing in line at the DMV or you're standing in line at the grocery store You don't look at anyone else you just look at your phone Oh, you're just listening to a podcast.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You don't you don't have to interact with anybody You don't you don't even say anything to a clerk at a store because you just have it delivered to your house Right, and the guy they they have that thing you like leave it at my step.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to talk to a person So how is anyone especially a young guy like this gonna be like hey, how's it going?

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[SPEAKER_00]: My name's Fred

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[SPEAKER_00]: I never, I just, I'm just starting to get through for the first time, or I've never, I've never, uh, brought climb before, but I want to learn, hey, can you tell me what kind of shoes you think I should get?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, that right there is like a huge barrier to some people, but the weird thing is,

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[SPEAKER_00]: When people do that to you, you don't think they're weird.

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[SPEAKER_00]: If you actually just think they're normal, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: When someone goes, hey, how's it going?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And you go, oh, not bad.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And they go, where are you coming in from?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And you go, I'm from San Diego.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that's cool.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What are you doing out here?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'm actually out here for some work, but, you know, like to train.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, cool.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Boom, like it's not that big of a deal.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You're not a freak.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You're a human.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And when you go and talk to other humans, they're humans too.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's true.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's true.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Any group setting really just it's almost like a little soft approach, you know, yeah Yeah, because there's a yeah like a soft lead yeah like a warm lead like warm lead like you're in this room

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm in this room and we wolf came to this room for a very specific reason, by the way.

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[SPEAKER_00]: That was my echo, Charles.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We're not here right there.

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[SPEAKER_00]: A very specific reason by the way.

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[SPEAKER_00]: No, you pointed me when you do that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So specific reason by the way.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, we got to know.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What's the purpose of by the way?

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[SPEAKER_01]: emphasis like I'm trying to make this other this point over here and there's some additional stuff you know that might either back up the point or or maybe part of a whole other point that I could go into but I'm not gonna but it could you say you want to do if I wanted to which would be very interesting by the way yeah that's the way you use it is it's it's a subtle reinforcement of your main point

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[SPEAKER_01]: use it as a subtle you'll throw in this other thing that you're not gonna go into by the way But you could if you wanted to or I could start talking about how important that is for this story I'm not good.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I could but I'm not good.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's sort of like a paper tiger It's like It's like a paper tiger because it has like no one

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[SPEAKER_00]: drills down on that thing that you just threw out there.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We kind of just accept it, but you kind of lean on it like it could bite if it could.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it enhances the clarity.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Someone puts together a compilation because I took that from you and I'll throw it in there.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I've always done it in a kind of a way where it's like a quiet and quiet nod to your style.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and you said you had a little just a little bit over the top to do a little bit over the top You know, I said, and that's a whole other book by the way, you know, I kind of put a little stank on There we go now we know now the deal

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, can't say like enough about jujitsu and the social part of it which I understand you got to say a lot about that to you that's 90% of the game I'm here to tell you about here to tell you Because even that like yeah, even if you're a shy person people are gonna you you partner I was someone whether be rolling or just drilling or whatever when you partner up with someone But there you go temporary for it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's up to you now balls in your court

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like for the time being and it's so it's up to you and that's kind of like probably ever and not to go too deep into this social element but we're gonna little bit you know what speed dating is you know what that is?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Zika you meet like 10 people.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, did you ever actually do that or just saw a TV show?

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[SPEAKER_01]: So at the thank club by you so work at we'd have speed dating on like Monday after noon.

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[SPEAKER_01]: No, right right when we open yeah and I better end still open.

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[SPEAKER_01]: The bitter end is now called the tipsy crow.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Unless they did have speed dating there, and I was like, what the hell is speed dating?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, well, bro, what is this?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And people come in and they, you know, it's, but it's like, yeah, it's like a dating kind of workshop, almost kind of, not a workshop, you don't learn, but it's like, almost like a gamey play.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And you have tables with people, and you have like a minute or a certain fixed amount of time to just talk to someone.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then you're, then you're done off to the next table to talk to the next person, soon saying.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then if it's like, if you kind of made a connection, then you can hang out afterwards.

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[SPEAKER_01]: you know and by drinks or whatever or go home whatever you want to do right and I remember thinking like oh that's kind of weird but I really kind of imagine like no you it's just like a little temporary I just meet some people hey I remember you know you could run into someone a week later and be like hey remember I met you at speed dating that was fun blah blah blah it's like you get a warm lead soon saying

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[SPEAKER_01]: You did to his like speed dating.

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[SPEAKER_01]: If you ignore the jujitsu part of it, it is.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But for a friend's standpoint, not romantic.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: That's a very important part of the situation.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Very important.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the jockel underground podcast.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So if you want to continue to listen,

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[SPEAKER_00]: go to jockelunderground.com and subscribe and we're doing this we're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms so we are not subject to their control and we are doing this so that we can support the jockel podcast which will remain as is free for all as long as we can keep it that way but we but we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control

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[SPEAKER_00]: And we're doing it so we can give you more control, more interaction, more direct connections, better communications with us.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And to do that, we are building a website right now, where we'll build the utilize to strengthen this legion of troopers that are in the game with us.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you, it's jockelunderground.com.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It costs $8 and $18 a month.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And if you can't afford to support us,

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[SPEAKER_00]: We can still support you just email assistance at jockelonaground.com and we'll get you taken care of until then we will see you mobilized underground.