Jan. 12, 2026
Jocko Underground: How To End Drama When You're Caught In The Middle.
How to end drama when you're caught in the middle.
How to get out of a massive slump from injuries from life.
What to do if your peers are progressing faster than you.
Walking the line between taking the responsibility and allowing others to.
Got on the path with great results and now my ego may be out of control.
Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/jocko-podcast/exclusive-content
WEBVTT
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[SPEAKER_02]: This is the Jocco Underground podcast number 196 sitting here with echo trails.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We have some questions from you all.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We will try and provide guidance, recommendations, answers, or at least courses of actions for you to take.
00:13.336 --> 00:17.403
[SPEAKER_02]: We've already been sitting in this room for one hour, not recording, but just listening to echo.
00:18.786 --> 00:21.972
[SPEAKER_02]: Talk about the world.
00:21.952 --> 00:24.997
[SPEAKER_00]: That was your assessment, that was the assessment.
00:25.137 --> 00:25.819
[SPEAKER_02]: That was the assessment.
00:26.139 --> 00:28.123
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel very caught up on AI now.
00:29.405 --> 00:31.849
[SPEAKER_00]: I thought we got to the bottom of a lot of things.
00:32.350 --> 00:35.215
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe levels of horses of actions to be taken.
00:35.455 --> 00:37.198
[SPEAKER_00]: Many people who need horses of actions.
00:37.539 --> 00:38.220
[SPEAKER_00]: You being one of them.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm not bad at it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not about it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You and me both.
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[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There you go.
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[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And here we go.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Let's get to it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm looking for guidance on how to handle a sensitive family situation appropriately, without destroying relationships.
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[SPEAKER_00]: My wife's parents have long had a long had marital conflict and issues, but a decade ago, her mother had an affair.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Her dad chose to forgive her and stay in the marriage, but it's obvious the issue was never fully resolved, and seems to be recurring issue today.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Frustratingly, both parents were frequently put my wife in the middle of their disputes and share highly inappropriate deep details.
01:21.200 --> 01:24.943
[SPEAKER_00]: but the relationship, including sexual and personal issues.
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[SPEAKER_00]: My wife and I are in our thirties, her parents are hitting their sixties.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She always tells me how uncomfortable and upsetting this is, but it's too kind to firmly set boundaries for self.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I believe it's very unhealthy for her to be put in the middle all this time.
01:41.078 --> 01:51.207
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm unsure whether my role should be to support her, in setting boundaries or directly address her parents myself in a difficult
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[SPEAKER_00]: That is the most effective and disciplined way to handle this situation while protecting my wife and maintaining restraint.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, just an unfortunate situation and you know, it's just so weird like who's doing this.
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[SPEAKER_02]: What is wrong with people, honestly?
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[SPEAKER_02]: seems like it might be a good idea if you could be the one that like addresses the parents.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I don't necessarily think that that would land very well.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I think they'd give you the, you know, she's our daughter and this is our family and that kind of thing.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I think she's going to have to be the one that stops this from occurring herself.
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[SPEAKER_02]: and i think she could start if she's a little bit uh what's the word if she's a little bit cautious about or or nervous about setting boundaries like hard boundaries i think she could probably set boundaries without setting boundaries meaning
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[SPEAKER_02]: Don't give them what they want, um, you know, when they start saying this stuff like hey This is not my business.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Um, my wife is a pro at this, by the way.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah Because my wife is not doesn't like the drama.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: The drama and You know, if someone gives a little bit of drama, she'll sort of, you know, okay, and just not talk about any more But if someone's really like actively trying to engage her in drama and
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[SPEAKER_02]: Then she'll she'll say something like oh this is nothing to do with me.
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[SPEAKER_02]: She'll like Literally say that um she'll still say I don't want to be involved in what you're talking about she just says that to them And so and like I said if someone throws a little drama her way no big deal.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So just you know, be pleasant You know, okay.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, that's you she kind of won't respond
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[SPEAKER_02]: What like a reflect and diminish kind of even even less even less of a reflect just like You know, if you tell me that you got some drama at your house and I don't want to be involved in it just like, oh You know, did you see the football game last night?
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[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Just like hey, so we call that pleasant Great Rocky
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[SPEAKER_00]: Gray rocking pleasant gray rocking what you hear that from well gray rocking is what I mean the prescriptive Behavior you should Demonstrate when a narcissist is trying to Manipulate you in one way or another.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So what do you do you just you just it's kind of like a reflect in diminished But it's more of just a diminished like you don't give anything really, you know
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[SPEAKER_02]: But you don't confront them, you don't anti you're not like budding heads and I think you're just just like how you said like oh yeah right on okay yeah and then you'd kind of change yourself Yeah, so I think that this dude's wife could definitely do that, you know, what is your gray rocking gray rocking gray rocking I think she could definitely gray rock of you know Oh, you won't believe what your dad did last night in the bedroom be like
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[SPEAKER_02]: I don't really know, need to know about that.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Can you pass me the, you know, man is for this chicken casserole that we're making?
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[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, like, we're not doing this because even when you sit and listen to someone, then you become their sounding board.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I don't think the daughter even deserves that, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: She doesn't deserve that, dude.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Leave this poor girl alone.
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[SPEAKER_02]: uh... so then i think she should try that try great great rocking a black rocking great so trade great try great rocking and just not giving responses and not engaging in it and just dismissing like well i'm not talking about that it looked like you know and to your point like not like i'm gonna walk away when you say that and show you that i'm at about it but just like
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[SPEAKER_02]: you wouldn't believe what your dad did last night in the bedroom.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Just be like, hey, can you pat, I don't really know about, I don't want to want to know about that.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, can you pass me the chicken salad, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, just not engage in this stuff, not totally make them even more mad.
05:55.452 --> 05:57.075
[SPEAKER_02]: But, you know, because in what way you get?
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[SPEAKER_02]: You don't care the way you get.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You don't even mean.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So you just gotta kind of, you gotta find that little fine line.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So I think her, I guess it's just really just diminish.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Like it's like no reflect.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's sort of absorb and diminish.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I guess what we'd say here.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Absorb and diminished.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Just like take it and be like, oh, that's weird.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, can you pass me the chicken salad?
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[SPEAKER_02]: Like just let's do that.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And then again, like my wife has that one escalation point, where if someone really is trying to drag her into it, she's like, hey, look, I don't want to be involved in this.
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[SPEAKER_02]: She will live, I've heard my wife say that to other people.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Just like, hey, this is nothing to do with me, and I don't want to be involved in it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Just straight up.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And it's a pretty good, it's a good boundary, but there's also, I think there's enough of,
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[SPEAKER_02]: of a preamble with the gray rocking.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's like the preamble of gray.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Like if you say something to me and I'm kind of like, hey dude, can you pass me a chicken salad?
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[SPEAKER_02]: And then you're like, hey, but no, this is really what happened.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I go, hey can you, I need some more pepper on my chicken salad.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Can you pass me that too?
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[SPEAKER_02]: And you're like, no, this is really what happened.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I go, hey, look dude, this is not my, see, I kind of gave you a preamble of like, hey, dude, this is not my thing.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And now you crossed it, you pushed me, you pushed me and finally I go, hey dude,
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's like when someone's gonna fight you and they're like, they're staring at you and you look at him They're like, what are you looking at you like hey man, I'm not looking at anything and then they go oh You think you're tough guy.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You think I'm nothing and then they walk over to you and you're like hey, listen dude I'm not I'm looking at for how many problems.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I'm just here chilling out I got no beef for you carry on and the guys are
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[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, you think you can just carry on with when you're staring at me like that?
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[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, lesson bra, and now like you can see where I'm going with this.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Eventually the dude's gonna like he's getting he's getting the like a two piece or a three piece.
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[SPEAKER_02]: But he kind of knew he kind of had it coming, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that's okay.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So,
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[SPEAKER_02]: I think if that's what she does, she kind of sets these types of boundaries.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Number one by not responding.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's kind of like when you train a dog to be honest with you.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, when your dog is doing something,
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[SPEAKER_02]: that they want attention, you just cannot give them attention, and that's what both of the mom and dad in this situation, they just want attention, they want to get that little thing going and your your wife cannot give it to them.
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[SPEAKER_02]: She has to, she has to absorb and just diminish and just change the subject and eventually if they keep trying to drag her into it, roleplay with her,
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[SPEAKER_02]: roleplay, whether some methods for breaking contact, you know, this is not in my business.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to get involved in this.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, this is for you to figure out not me.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, I'm you're a 60 year old married woman or husband.
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[SPEAKER_02]: This is your business.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Not mine.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I have my own family.
08:35.588 --> 08:36.168
[SPEAKER_02]: I have my own life.
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[SPEAKER_02]: This is not mine.
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[SPEAKER_02]: This is not my deal.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Or whatever, you know, roleplay.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And then then she's just kind of kind of hold the line and just not broker.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And the thing is these parents are so manipulative.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Like they, like you said, they're narcissistic weirdos that are trying to get the daughter involved in this freaking crap.
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[SPEAKER_02]: That's crazy.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Can you imagine, like I wouldn't want my kids to know if I got an argument with my wife about what we were gonna have for dinner, much less like what's happening in the bedroom, like this is crazy talk.
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[SPEAKER_02]: These are weird people.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Matter of fact this husband should be like let's I would I would be trying to create a little bit of like family distancing like how often are they around Maybe we could create a little bit of like family distancing because this is weird stuff like you're talking about sexual stuff with your parents.
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[SPEAKER_02]: That seems to me very strange Um, so
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[SPEAKER_02]: I think a little bit of role-playing, a little bit of absorb and diminished gray rocking, or maybe you can look that up and see what that, maybe you can get some more details on that.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And then she's got a hold of line and keep supporting, keep supporting her.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think you, I don't think this will escalate to a point where you have to get involved unless it starts to create massive negative impact.
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[SPEAKER_02]: on you and your family which it shouldn't because I would break contact before I'd be like hey no we're not going over for dinner that night yeah oh wait we're actually busy sorry you can't make it oh you know we actually you know I would I would create a nice gentle amount of distance between this kind of weird crazy behavior.
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[SPEAKER_02]: and don't want my kids around it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to be around it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want my wife around it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Family's family cool.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We'll stick by our families, but we don't have, we're not going to have our family's drag us down into weird scenarios.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's not happening.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Check.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I agree.
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[SPEAKER_00]: The, the, the, I've been in the situation in a way, or you know, you're kind of in between, you know, of two people who sort of made up, but they sell their issues, you know, so I've been in the situation.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Uh-huh.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And what I found was a being
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[SPEAKER_00]: Because if you're not and someone feels like oh wait, I can kind of get what I need sometimes Yeah, yeah, it's kind of like a little bit of a thing variable reward variable reward exactly right, so they might be And then another little tactic which I use it very effective is the look on the bright side tactic So if they're like oh, yeah, can you believe you know?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Can you believe your husband or your dad did this to me, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Let's say them almost in this
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[SPEAKER_00]: You'd be like, ah, I know, um, but yeah, like you forgave them, you know, and so that's such a good thing that you did, you know how you forgave them and you know You guys stuck it and chose to uh, you know, make the relationship work.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You just get you keep and you keep that consistent and they'll realize they won't get what they want
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[SPEAKER_02]: that's the big thing is you're training like a dog, you're training these two people that they're not going to get the treat from you.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And the treat that they're looking for is just interaction, it's sympathy.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's even anger.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Like I can't believe it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's just it's all those things and you're not going to just have to
11:41.339 --> 11:47.169
[SPEAKER_02]: that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the jockel underground podcast.
11:47.269 --> 11:52.998
[SPEAKER_02]: So if you want to continue to listen, go to jockel underground.com and subscribe.
11:53.038 --> 11:57.225
[SPEAKER_02]: And we're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms.
11:57.686 --> 12:00.230
[SPEAKER_02]: So we are not subject to their control.
12:00.570 --> 12:04.056
[SPEAKER_02]: And we are doing this so that we can support the jockel podcast.
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[SPEAKER_02]: which will remain as is free for all as long as we can give it that way.
12:08.142 --> 12:12.969
[SPEAKER_02]: But we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control of sponsors.
12:13.349 --> 12:19.538
[SPEAKER_02]: And we're doing it so we can give you more control, more interaction, more direct connections, better communications with us.
12:21.000 --> 12:26.348
[SPEAKER_02]: And to do that, we are building a website right now where we'll build the utilize.
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[SPEAKER_02]: to strengthen this legion of troopers that are in the game with us.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So thank you, it's jockelunderground.com.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It costs $8 and $18 a month, and if you can't afford to support us, we can still support you, just email assistance at jockelunderground.com, and we'll get you taken care of.
12:46.277 --> 12:51.424
[SPEAKER_02]: Until then, we will see you mobilized underground.
00:00.031 --> 00:04.119
[SPEAKER_02]: This is the Jocco Underground podcast number 196 sitting here with echo trails.
00:05.461 --> 00:06.984
[SPEAKER_02]: We have some questions from you all.
00:07.084 --> 00:12.795
[SPEAKER_02]: We will try and provide guidance, recommendations, answers, or at least courses of actions for you to take.
00:13.336 --> 00:17.403
[SPEAKER_02]: We've already been sitting in this room for one hour, not recording, but just listening to echo.
00:18.786 --> 00:21.972
[SPEAKER_02]: Talk about the world.
00:21.952 --> 00:24.997
[SPEAKER_00]: That was your assessment, that was the assessment.
00:25.137 --> 00:25.819
[SPEAKER_02]: That was the assessment.
00:26.139 --> 00:28.123
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel very caught up on AI now.
00:29.405 --> 00:31.849
[SPEAKER_00]: I thought we got to the bottom of a lot of things.
00:32.350 --> 00:35.215
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe levels of horses of actions to be taken.
00:35.455 --> 00:37.198
[SPEAKER_00]: Many people who need horses of actions.
00:37.539 --> 00:38.220
[SPEAKER_00]: You being one of them.
00:38.480 --> 00:39.843
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm not bad at it.
00:39.963 --> 00:40.544
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not about it.
00:41.105 --> 00:41.586
[SPEAKER_00]: You and me both.
00:42.147 --> 00:42.607
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
00:42.728 --> 00:43.268
[SPEAKER_00]: There you go.
00:44.731 --> 00:44.931
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
00:44.951 --> 00:45.632
[SPEAKER_00]: And here we go.
00:45.713 --> 00:47.115
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's get to it.
00:47.787 --> 00:53.660
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm looking for guidance on how to handle a sensitive family situation appropriately, without destroying relationships.
00:54.402 --> 01:05.307
[SPEAKER_00]: My wife's parents have long had a long had marital conflict and issues, but a decade ago, her mother had an affair.
01:05.287 --> 01:13.103
[SPEAKER_00]: Her dad chose to forgive her and stay in the marriage, but it's obvious the issue was never fully resolved, and seems to be recurring issue today.
01:13.644 --> 01:21.220
[SPEAKER_00]: Frustratingly, both parents were frequently put my wife in the middle of their disputes and share highly inappropriate deep details.
01:21.200 --> 01:24.943
[SPEAKER_00]: but the relationship, including sexual and personal issues.
01:25.844 --> 01:29.688
[SPEAKER_00]: My wife and I are in our thirties, her parents are hitting their sixties.
01:30.028 --> 01:36.294
[SPEAKER_00]: She always tells me how uncomfortable and upsetting this is, but it's too kind to firmly set boundaries for self.
01:36.894 --> 01:40.117
[SPEAKER_00]: I believe it's very unhealthy for her to be put in the middle all this time.
01:41.078 --> 01:51.207
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm unsure whether my role should be to support her, in setting boundaries or directly address her parents myself in a difficult
01:51.187 --> 02:00.759
[SPEAKER_00]: That is the most effective and disciplined way to handle this situation while protecting my wife and maintaining restraint.
02:00.779 --> 02:06.045
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, just an unfortunate situation and you know, it's just so weird like who's doing this.
02:06.626 --> 02:12.233
[SPEAKER_02]: What is wrong with people, honestly?
02:13.023 --> 02:17.949
[SPEAKER_02]: seems like it might be a good idea if you could be the one that like addresses the parents.
02:19.951 --> 02:22.694
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't necessarily think that that would land very well.
02:22.754 --> 02:27.160
[SPEAKER_02]: I think they'd give you the, you know, she's our daughter and this is our family and that kind of thing.
02:28.181 --> 02:35.149
[SPEAKER_02]: I think she's going to have to be the one that stops this from occurring herself.
02:35.129 --> 02:56.142
[SPEAKER_02]: and i think she could start if she's a little bit uh what's the word if she's a little bit cautious about or or nervous about setting boundaries like hard boundaries i think she could probably set boundaries without setting boundaries meaning
02:56.122 --> 03:04.312
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't give them what they want, um, you know, when they start saying this stuff like hey This is not my business.
03:04.632 --> 03:06.795
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, my wife is a pro at this, by the way.
03:07.215 --> 03:09.518
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah Because my wife is not doesn't like the drama.
03:09.538 --> 03:09.979
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, right?
03:09.999 --> 03:21.032
[SPEAKER_02]: The drama and You know, if someone gives a little bit of drama, she'll sort of, you know, okay, and just not talk about any more But if someone's really like actively trying to engage her in drama and
03:21.012 --> 03:24.416
[SPEAKER_02]: Then she'll she'll say something like oh this is nothing to do with me.
03:24.916 --> 03:37.190
[SPEAKER_02]: She'll like Literally say that um she'll still say I don't want to be involved in what you're talking about she just says that to them And so and like I said if someone throws a little drama her way no big deal.
03:37.210 --> 03:41.555
[SPEAKER_02]: So just you know, be pleasant You know, okay.
03:41.575 --> 03:43.797
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, that's you she kind of won't respond
03:43.777 --> 03:59.429
[SPEAKER_02]: What like a reflect and diminish kind of even even less even less of a reflect just like You know, if you tell me that you got some drama at your house and I don't want to be involved in it just like, oh You know, did you see the football game last night?
03:59.449 --> 03:59.890
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
03:59.930 --> 04:04.519
[SPEAKER_00]: Just like hey, so we call that pleasant Great Rocky
04:04.499 --> 04:21.257
[SPEAKER_00]: Gray rocking pleasant gray rocking what you hear that from well gray rocking is what I mean the prescriptive Behavior you should Demonstrate when a narcissist is trying to Manipulate you in one way or another.
04:21.538 --> 04:29.967
[SPEAKER_00]: So what do you do you just you just it's kind of like a reflect in diminished But it's more of just a diminished like you don't give anything really, you know
04:29.947 --> 04:53.085
[SPEAKER_02]: But you don't confront them, you don't anti you're not like budding heads and I think you're just just like how you said like oh yeah right on okay yeah and then you'd kind of change yourself Yeah, so I think that this dude's wife could definitely do that, you know, what is your gray rocking gray rocking gray rocking I think she could definitely gray rock of you know Oh, you won't believe what your dad did last night in the bedroom be like
04:53.065 --> 04:55.389
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't really know, need to know about that.
04:55.830 --> 04:59.556
[SPEAKER_02]: Can you pass me the, you know, man is for this chicken casserole that we're making?
04:59.576 --> 05:00.117
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
05:00.478 --> 05:07.410
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, like, we're not doing this because even when you sit and listen to someone, then you become their sounding board.
05:07.450 --> 05:11.076
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I don't think the daughter even deserves that, right?
05:11.517 --> 05:12.499
[SPEAKER_02]: She doesn't deserve that, dude.
05:12.519 --> 05:14.382
[SPEAKER_02]: Leave this poor girl alone.
05:14.513 --> 05:36.657
[SPEAKER_02]: uh... so then i think she should try that try great great rocking a black rocking great so trade great try great rocking and just not giving responses and not engaging in it and just dismissing like well i'm not talking about that it looked like you know and to your point like not like i'm gonna walk away when you say that and show you that i'm at about it but just like
05:36.637 --> 05:39.121
[SPEAKER_02]: you wouldn't believe what your dad did last night in the bedroom.
05:39.482 --> 05:44.391
[SPEAKER_02]: Just be like, hey, can you pat, I don't really know about, I don't want to want to know about that.
05:44.451 --> 05:47.076
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, can you pass me the chicken salad, right?
05:47.156 --> 05:55.050
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, just not engage in this stuff, not totally make them even more mad.
05:55.452 --> 05:57.075
[SPEAKER_02]: But, you know, because in what way you get?
05:57.295 --> 05:58.196
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't care the way you get.
05:58.217 --> 05:58.777
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't even mean.
05:58.938 --> 06:01.041
[SPEAKER_02]: So you just gotta kind of, you gotta find that little fine line.
06:01.482 --> 06:05.328
[SPEAKER_02]: So I think her, I guess it's just really just diminish.
06:05.969 --> 06:07.211
[SPEAKER_02]: Like it's like no reflect.
06:07.371 --> 06:09.014
[SPEAKER_02]: It's sort of absorb and diminish.
06:09.034 --> 06:10.036
[SPEAKER_02]: I guess what we'd say here.
06:10.457 --> 06:11.238
[SPEAKER_02]: Absorb and diminished.
06:11.258 --> 06:13.822
[SPEAKER_02]: Just like take it and be like, oh, that's weird.
06:14.102 --> 06:15.264
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, can you pass me the chicken salad?
06:15.284 --> 06:16.887
[SPEAKER_02]: Like just let's do that.
06:18.048 --> 06:27.827
[SPEAKER_02]: And then again, like my wife has that one escalation point, where if someone really is trying to drag her into it, she's like, hey, look, I don't want to be involved in this.
06:28.208 --> 06:32.075
[SPEAKER_02]: She will live, I've heard my wife say that to other people.
06:32.516 --> 06:34.860
[SPEAKER_02]: Just like, hey, this is nothing to do with me, and I don't want to be involved in it.
06:34.941 --> 06:35.522
[SPEAKER_02]: Just straight up.
06:36.444 --> 06:40.832
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's a pretty good, it's a good boundary, but there's also, I think there's enough of,
06:41.420 --> 06:44.765
[SPEAKER_02]: of a preamble with the gray rocking.
06:45.045 --> 06:46.327
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like the preamble of gray.
06:46.347 --> 06:49.812
[SPEAKER_02]: Like if you say something to me and I'm kind of like, hey dude, can you pass me a chicken salad?
06:49.992 --> 06:52.135
[SPEAKER_02]: And then you're like, hey, but no, this is really what happened.
06:52.155 --> 06:55.399
[SPEAKER_02]: I go, hey can you, I need some more pepper on my chicken salad.
06:55.419 --> 06:56.040
[SPEAKER_02]: Can you pass me that too?
06:56.060 --> 06:57.302
[SPEAKER_02]: And you're like, no, this is really what happened.
06:57.322 --> 07:01.948
[SPEAKER_02]: I go, hey, look dude, this is not my, see, I kind of gave you a preamble of like, hey, dude, this is not my thing.
07:02.349 --> 07:05.233
[SPEAKER_02]: And now you crossed it, you pushed me, you pushed me and finally I go, hey dude,
07:05.213 --> 07:15.093
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like when someone's gonna fight you and they're like, they're staring at you and you look at him They're like, what are you looking at you like hey man, I'm not looking at anything and then they go oh You think you're tough guy.
07:15.154 --> 07:20.044
[SPEAKER_02]: You think I'm nothing and then they walk over to you and you're like hey, listen dude I'm not I'm looking at for how many problems.
07:20.064 --> 07:24.032
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm just here chilling out I got no beef for you carry on and the guys are
07:24.012 --> 07:27.318
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, you think you can just carry on with when you're staring at me like that?
07:27.598 --> 07:30.323
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, lesson bra, and now like you can see where I'm going with this.
07:30.583 --> 07:35.251
[SPEAKER_02]: Eventually the dude's gonna like he's getting he's getting the like a two piece or a three piece.
07:36.894 --> 07:39.359
[SPEAKER_02]: But he kind of knew he kind of had it coming, right?
07:40.080 --> 07:41.482
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that's okay.
07:41.502 --> 07:41.903
[SPEAKER_02]: So,
07:43.351 --> 07:49.467
[SPEAKER_02]: I think if that's what she does, she kind of sets these types of boundaries.
07:50.168 --> 07:52.073
[SPEAKER_02]: Number one by not responding.
07:52.294 --> 07:54.339
[SPEAKER_02]: It's kind of like when you train a dog to be honest with you.
07:54.579 --> 07:57.968
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, when your dog is doing something,
07:58.285 --> 08:11.625
[SPEAKER_02]: that they want attention, you just cannot give them attention, and that's what both of the mom and dad in this situation, they just want attention, they want to get that little thing going and your your wife cannot give it to them.
08:11.645 --> 08:21.019
[SPEAKER_02]: She has to, she has to absorb and just diminish and just change the subject and eventually if they keep trying to drag her into it, roleplay with her,
08:21.708 --> 08:25.333
[SPEAKER_02]: roleplay, whether some methods for breaking contact, you know, this is not in my business.
08:25.754 --> 08:26.715
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to get involved in this.
08:26.955 --> 08:28.177
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, this is for you to figure out not me.
08:28.458 --> 08:32.663
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, I'm you're a 60 year old married woman or husband.
08:33.124 --> 08:33.845
[SPEAKER_02]: This is your business.
08:34.005 --> 08:34.366
[SPEAKER_02]: Not mine.
08:34.826 --> 08:35.568
[SPEAKER_02]: I have my own family.
08:35.588 --> 08:36.168
[SPEAKER_02]: I have my own life.
08:36.949 --> 08:37.530
[SPEAKER_02]: This is not mine.
08:37.751 --> 08:38.351
[SPEAKER_02]: This is not my deal.
08:39.233 --> 08:40.655
[SPEAKER_02]: Or whatever, you know, roleplay.
08:40.955 --> 08:46.964
[SPEAKER_02]: And then then she's just kind of kind of hold the line and just not broker.
08:47.284 --> 08:50.128
[SPEAKER_02]: And the thing is these parents are so manipulative.
08:50.429 --> 08:59.399
[SPEAKER_02]: Like they, like you said, they're narcissistic weirdos that are trying to get the daughter involved in this freaking crap.
08:59.759 --> 09:00.740
[SPEAKER_02]: That's crazy.
09:01.321 --> 09:14.836
[SPEAKER_02]: Can you imagine, like I wouldn't want my kids to know if I got an argument with my wife about what we were gonna have for dinner, much less like what's happening in the bedroom, like this is crazy talk.
09:14.856 --> 09:16.217
[SPEAKER_02]: These are weird people.
09:16.585 --> 09:30.850
[SPEAKER_02]: Matter of fact this husband should be like let's I would I would be trying to create a little bit of like family distancing like how often are they around Maybe we could create a little bit of like family distancing because this is weird stuff like you're talking about sexual stuff with your parents.
09:30.870 --> 09:35.218
[SPEAKER_02]: That seems to me very strange Um, so
09:36.532 --> 09:44.543
[SPEAKER_02]: I think a little bit of role-playing, a little bit of absorb and diminished gray rocking, or maybe you can look that up and see what that, maybe you can get some more details on that.
09:45.304 --> 09:48.928
[SPEAKER_02]: And then she's got a hold of line and keep supporting, keep supporting her.
09:49.449 --> 09:56.278
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think you, I don't think this will escalate to a point where you have to get involved unless it starts to create massive negative impact.
09:56.258 --> 10:13.103
[SPEAKER_02]: on you and your family which it shouldn't because I would break contact before I'd be like hey no we're not going over for dinner that night yeah oh wait we're actually busy sorry you can't make it oh you know we actually you know I would I would create a nice gentle amount of distance between this kind of weird crazy behavior.
10:13.083 --> 10:14.324
[SPEAKER_02]: and don't want my kids around it.
10:14.484 --> 10:15.185
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to be around it.
10:15.205 --> 10:16.166
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want my wife around it.
10:17.267 --> 10:18.148
[SPEAKER_02]: Family's family cool.
10:18.168 --> 10:23.472
[SPEAKER_02]: We'll stick by our families, but we don't have, we're not going to have our family's drag us down into weird scenarios.
10:24.393 --> 10:25.714
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not happening.
10:25.734 --> 10:25.834
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
10:25.854 --> 10:26.075
[SPEAKER_02]: Check.
10:26.095 --> 10:26.395
[SPEAKER_00]: I agree.
10:26.655 --> 10:37.104
[SPEAKER_00]: The, the, the, I've been in the situation in a way, or you know, you're kind of in between, you know, of two people who sort of made up, but they sell their issues, you know, so I've been in the situation.
10:37.124 --> 10:37.805
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh-huh.
10:37.825 --> 10:42.229
[SPEAKER_00]: And what I found was a being
10:43.593 --> 11:02.919
[SPEAKER_00]: Because if you're not and someone feels like oh wait, I can kind of get what I need sometimes Yeah, yeah, it's kind of like a little bit of a thing variable reward variable reward exactly right, so they might be And then another little tactic which I use it very effective is the look on the bright side tactic So if they're like oh, yeah, can you believe you know?
11:03.039 --> 11:06.383
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you believe your husband or your dad did this to me, right?
11:06.403 --> 11:07.845
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's say them almost in this
11:07.825 --> 11:18.383
[SPEAKER_00]: You'd be like, ah, I know, um, but yeah, like you forgave them, you know, and so that's such a good thing that you did, you know how you forgave them and you know You guys stuck it and chose to uh, you know, make the relationship work.
11:18.423 --> 11:23.792
[SPEAKER_00]: You just get you keep and you keep that consistent and they'll realize they won't get what they want
11:23.772 --> 11:30.347
[SPEAKER_02]: that's the big thing is you're training like a dog, you're training these two people that they're not going to get the treat from you.
11:30.588 --> 11:35.479
[SPEAKER_02]: And the treat that they're looking for is just interaction, it's sympathy.
11:35.840 --> 11:36.622
[SPEAKER_02]: It's even anger.
11:36.963 --> 11:37.564
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I can't believe it.
11:37.624 --> 11:40.110
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just it's all those things and you're not going to just have to
11:41.339 --> 11:47.169
[SPEAKER_02]: that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the jockel underground podcast.
11:47.269 --> 11:52.998
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